Run For It

I wouldn't call myself the star runner in my group of friends, not by a long shot, but I have been lacing up the old sneakers a lot more lately. It's some nice quality time with myself, although I've realized that it's good I can't see myself while I'm out there because I inevitably look like giant tomato with how red I get. Molly also asks me, without fail, every time that I return if I'm stinky. Yep, that's a recipe for awesomeness there -- a red, stinky, running tomato.

Despite some of the apparent negative outcomes of running, I realized how many (probably very cliched) similarities there are between parenting and jogging. As I've been out there and letting my mind wander over various topics recently, I've kept coming back to the sameness, at times, of the two activities. Here are my top six:

6. We can become myopic. Looking at the ground immediately in front of you can often provide the worst perspective and we don't realize how the next ten steps are simply part of longer journey. When you look up at the wide world around you and the bigger goals, though, those next steps don't loom as nearly as large. The same can be true with parenting. When we look at less than desirable behavior in the little picture, it feels frustrating or unmanageable or exasperating or just plain hard and how can we possibly say something one more time. When we look beyond our little microcosm, though, some crumbs or blocks dumping really isn't so bad. We are able to remind ourselves that raising kids is (to really make things cliched) a marathon and not a sprint, and that all things come in stages. Putting small acts in the larger context allows us to remember that they don't dump their blocks because they are trying to push our buttons but because they are little tykes who love to hear the sound that blocks makes when they hit the floor for the 900th time and well, that's what they are supposed to do. It's easy and inevitable to become myopic, though, because we all have competing demands on our time and the next ten steps can feel impossible to accomplish when that's all we're looking at.

5. Cross-train. Running may be what you like best but if you only do that, you will likely burn out or get hurt and you will never be the best runner out there. If you mix it up, though, success and sustainability are much more likely. Same thing with being a mom or dad. If you only live, think, and breathe parenting, I think most people I know would agree that you're not being the best mom or dad you are capable of being. When you can complement your ever-present job of parenting with whatever other activities make you who you are then you are not only being a terrific role model for your little ones, but you're markedly improving your odds of being a great parent. If you painted or yoga-ed or wrote or volunteered or gardened or enjoyed dinner out with friends before you had babies, at least some of those interests probably still live on and I think including  them in your days helps make you whole and real and interesting. Pursuing one thing with single minded dedication may work in the short-term but it's not sustainable and we need to nurture our whole selves in order for the best parts of us to shine. It's always hard to find the time, sure, and it's easier said than done, sure but people are creative and smart and have probably managed hard things before (and grandparents are often willing participants in this scheme).

4. It's easy to get in a rut. One of the best feelings, I think, is when you take an unexpected turn or find a new road or route or path and you run down it without knowing exactly where you are (but aren't completely lost and flailing). I try to almost never plan my runs before I go because I like to see where my time and energy will take me. Sometimes it's a familiar route, sometimes it's a shorter or longer deviation on something I've done before, and sometimes, I change direction from my intended direction as soon as I walk out the door. I think, like being a mom, that we can fall into habits because they feel comfy and easy and worked before but we don't adapt with our moods, our kids' moods, or the changing environment. We think that because we turn left there every time, that we always need to turn left. We don't always have the faith in ourselves that we should try new techniques or activities or plans; we don't always believe that we are capable creatures who can and need to adapt with the times as the go a changin'. My little people are young enough still that no stage lasts very long and if I don't change my route as they become more capable or more logical or more emotional then I'm in a rut that serves no one. Being comfortable with change and changing things up has got to be high on the list in the parental handbook... now, if I could just get a copy of that handbook like I've asked for so many times, that would be really great.

3. You need new shoes regularly. That one is self-explanatory and ever so true. In running and in parenting, new shoes just make everything better. End of story.

2. Not every run is a great one, but it is still an accomplishment. Some days, you wake up and really don't want to don your sassy spandex. You would far prefer to be in jammies (or comfy cozies, as Molly calls them) and eat some of those bon bons that you've heard so much about. And while sometimes on those days, getting out the door and pounding the pavement is just what you needed and you have a fantastic outing, sometimes it's not and you have a blah, uninspiring run. But you did it. You showed up and you did it. Same is true with being with your kids. Some days, especially those that start at 5-something a.m., I may want to hide under the covers and not get up and pick oatmeal out of Jack's eyelashes again. It's not that I don't want to be with my little people, necessarily, but like in any job, we have our good days and our bad. Accepting that we have down moments when we snap or yell or wonder out loud (oops) what the heck possessed someone to draw a full-on mural on the bathroom wall next to the potty or start telling the small ones that daddy will be home soon when it's only 4pm, well those aren't the days that will win any mother of the year awards. But, they happen, they are real, and the won't ever go away so we might as well give ourselves credit for showing up and doing the best we can then and there. I suspect that we all have idealized moms-we'd-like-to-be but that's not reality because we're blessedly human and humans aren't built for perfection. And you know what, those bad runs or bad days are fuel and momentum for the next run or day because no one wants to have two bad outings in a row.

1. You need a partner to achieve the best results. I have come to firmly believe that you need a wingman, be it a spouse, cousin, mother, friend, whatever, in both endeavors to really do your best. You need someone to set goals with, to check in on your progress with, to help pick you up when you're feeling stuck or unmotivated, to provide motivation or support to, to reality check with, and, perhaps most importantly, to share the pains and the joys, the highs and the lows with. I think when you become an island, you aren't really giving it your all and ultimately not serving anyone well. We can be really rotten at recognizing our biggest strengths and weaknesses and we're not terribly critical observers of our own behaviors. Achieving a goal or doing something well or being creative can be an amazing reward on its own but when you do it with someone or as part of a team, I think it almost always feels even better. The journey becomes part of the reward, too, and it's fun to look back and tell stories and have jokes with someone and let's face it, telling a joke that only you get is never funny.

So, as cliched as those may be, I wanted to write them down... and now maybe I can finally stop thinking of the correlations between running and parenting during my next run. In addition to being a sweaty tomato, I think I've also had a ridiculous grin on my face for the past week when I've been out there and I think "oh, there's another one!".

And now, if you've been impatient for me to finish my babbling, here are the little (and one big) people doing what they do best...

Rocking out with Johnny Jingles (and cheap beer -- a dearly missed option in Canada).

These are some of Jack's favorite things:

 - stickers in his hair (not really, but it is a service often provided to him by someone free of charge)

- carbs

- pretending not to know that I cave whenever he flashes his big eyes and dimpled grin at me