Fly Like An Eagle

I see the end of a chapter approaching. With just nine short months left of our preschool years, we are turning the final pages on one era and beginning to think about what awaits us in the next chapter of our parenting lives. I'm watching things gear up at the beginning of this preschool school year knowing that it is the last time I'll be a part of these events and this community. While preschools are cozy, warm sweaters that are forgiving and that you can wrap around yourself and find comfort in, elementary schools are more like jeans -- a little stiff, a little hard to find the right fit, a little unforgiving at first. And while cozy sweaters may seem like the more appealing choice every time, they really aren't. They are a time limited item. Jeans, however, are universal and long-lasting and once they are broken in -- holy mama, they are great. So while it's a little scary to ditch the cozy warmth of the enveloping preschool, it's liberating and exhilarating to move on to the next step. We watch them move away from us and we become just one of many influences in their lives. But for them, they move towards a fuller picture of themselves. They move towards self-realization and agency and their own definition of who they are versus the one that's been externally constructed for them. It's the continuation of the individuation process that has been inching forward... and now we'll watch it explode and encompass many other people. 

As exciting as it is to watch our people put the skills that we've consciously and unconsciously taught them into play (I hope that the utterance of "GOD DAMN IT" that I heard from the playroom recently will get put to good use...), it's also terrifying to watch them drift out of our direct orbit. It's so exciting to hear about the good stuff that happens during those six hours of school (when you actually get to hear it and not just the sound of you attempting to extract metaphorical teeth to find out one measly thing about the day) -- to hear about the successful reading group or new playground skill or the fun lunch time friends -- it's excruciating to hear about the cliques and the frustrations and the struggles. It takes all of our parenting willpower not to put on our capes and fly in to fix the playground squabbles or deal with the consequences of being in the wrong place at the wrong time or make up for some bad behavior. But it's, slowly, not our job anymore. It's their job to right their wrongs to figure out how to navigate choppy waters. We are there, of course, to support them, but we're not there to step in and solve every problem anymore. We've already taken off the cozy sweater and put on the jeans and that means that they own their highs and their lows more and more each year. But you know what? That's awesome. It's awesome to see them earn their own accolades and find their niche and figure out what they're good at. It's awesome to hear how they turned a bad situation around. We have laid solid groundwork and they get to fly from there. It's the long game that matters more than the short game in this case. 

So, I've got one more year where I hear a daily report on what happened from the teachers themselves and not from my questionably-able young reporter. It will be hard to lose those tabs but I'm also ready for it. I'm ready for the next step and to see what happens when my information source is five years old and not fifty. I'm not wishing away this year but nor am I unrealistically attached to it. It's important for me to feel ready for the next stage, sure, but even more importantly, my kids need to feel ready for it. And because I sense my little guy is set and eager to be a leader this year and then climb on that big yellow school bus next year, I'm okay with being on the final pages of this chapter. I'm okay enjoying the cozy sweater knowing it'll get packed away, but not forgotten, in several months. I know the school-aged journey that we've barely begun is a good one so I'm excited for all that comes with it. I'm excited for band instruments and homework and writing workshops and science fairs. As I straddle this line between elementary and preschool, I'm grateful for both. I'm grateful for where we came from and where we are going. I'm ready for my kids to be carefully watched over and I'm also ready for them to soar. I'm just glad to be on the journey because I hope we've prepared them to be good navigators.

It's good to know that I'm still needed when it comes to fashion tips...