I'm going to renew my dislike of the term "terrible twos". First, I think it makes people disregard the upside of that period -- namely the increase in agency and ability and personality. It's a volatile, tiring (exhausting), and dog-chasing-its-own-tail time, but there are huge, huge upsides. Additionally, when we throw out that description, we seem assume that once we leave two behind and embark on three, we regain some sort of sanity and equilibrium, right? Nooooo... Not one bit. So while I won't put a pejorative label on three either, I think this idea about twos being terrible is putting the cart before the tired horse. Our monthly parent meetings with the parents in Jack's class filled with frustrated, wonderful parents tearing their hair out wondering where their sweet child went (I'll tell you where he or she went -- to a friend's house. I think three is when kids really understand how to manage their behavior while in other people's care while letting the poop hit the fan for their own moms and dads) and wondering how to manage such and such behavior that they have never seen before. Those of us with older children pull out the sincere-but-annoying "been-there-done-that" nod and try to proverbially pat their backs and tell them to hang on (you know that I'm not actually going to pat anyone's back given my own squeamishness about back rubs... ook, I'm getting the chills just thinking about it) and offer up the advice that "before you know it, four is here and all will be well in the universe". Because four is a flippin' miracle. But wait! Stop! Don't short-change the awe-inspiring threes! Yes, three is hard because it comes with all the volatility of two but brings along its new friend: willfulness. Oh, how strong-willed three year olds can be in one moment and a puddle of cuddles and baby-ness in the next. But, the developmental leaps of this age are nothing short of profound. While I tried to remain in the present and see the sunny side of crazy the first time I parented a three year old, I probably did more tearing my hair than I thought and didn't really soak it all in. But this time? I sorta like it. Maybe even a lot. No, I didn't enjoy chasing my boy down what felt like forty blocks this morning. In 30 degree weather. Near water. And no, I don't like the screaming for one more minute with his binkies in the morning ("Mom, I just need to have them to do my trains. No MOM, I NEED them. How 'bout just two. Mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, how 'bout I give them to Molly in a few minutes. I want to do it myself. I'm just going to take a little nappy on the couch so I need my binkies. I SAID I WANT TO DO IT MYSELF"), but I do love the newly emerging depth of character, the really thoughtful questions, the level of introspection, the humanity, the hilarity, the unabashed love, and yes, even the agency. While I still get frustrated with certain behaviors, when I take a moment to step back and review what's happened... well, that little thing called perspective kicks in and it's actually pretty awesome to see what that willfulness and stubbornness produce. Watching three-year-olds apply their newly found sense of self and recently learned social and cognitive lessons to their worlds is nothing short of fascinating --sometimes they apply things quite appropriately and sometimes quite the opposite, but they are so honest in their exploration and learning. And truthfully, a lot of the time, what they're saying makes a lot of sense, especially in a world where they are still paid to be the centers of the universe, and they deserve credit for that even if it isn't practical to apply it in the moment.
Jack at three is very different than Molly at three. But mostly, I'm different. I'm more appreciative of all the age brings, thanks to my crackerjack first-child teacher. So while I still get plenty frustrated with the randomness and the big emotions at undoubtedly the most inconvenient (for me) times, I'm also able to let go of those emotions more quickly and simply enjoy my train-obsessed man who considers himself the funniest human in the room (maybe even on the whole block). I suspect I will be ready for the relief and ascent (descent? hmmm...) into more logical behaviors and reasoning that four tends to bring but I'm also being very conscious not to wish away any of this time. Time seems to really speed up as we approach the bigger and bigger milestones so I am working at being really at peace with the present. Sure, my emotions will get the best of me sometimes and I will not like asking for a jacket to be put on for the forty-seventh time, but the quicker I can let that go, the more I get to enjoy the craziness. And I like me some crazy.
Because everyone needs a unicorn in their lives...
At three, you are clearly ready to be the enforcer on Dad's hockey team. Actually, that might work...
But you're also still willing to let your sister dress you as a mustachioed superhero.
And the real secret? This one is the actual enforcer in the house.
