On Butting Out

I stood in the kitchen cleaning up after dinner tonight, listening to two very happy little people giggle and scream and laugh. One big person was prompting all the excitement (hint: it was not me). See, Jack loves to wrestle. Molly loves to sort of wrestle while making up rules for the wrestlers. I don't love to wrestle. I don't love rules about wrestling. I can pretend for about three minutes but then I get worried someone is going to smack his head or my mind wanders to who exactly I'm picking up tomorrow or hey look! A squirrel. If anyone wants me to read a book or make friendship bracelets, I'm your gal. If you want me to wrestle... wellllll... Anyway, even though we usually split the dishes or do them together, I really didn't mind doing them solo tonight. I listened to shrieky laughter and I enjoyed the few minutes where I wasn't on. I knew that no one was going to ask me to hold her underwear (like earlier today at gymnastics because god forbid one wears underwear under her leotard) or to find something that is ten inches from his face but still mysteriously lost AND I was still able to enjoy all the people being happy. Because I'm with my little people for many of their waking hours, I get used to my ways of being with the kids. When John "comes home" (i.e. he walks upstairs) from work, sometimes I forget to shift into the "we are four" mode with two parents to solve conflicts and squabbles and two parents to make people smile and two parents to hear about the school day. Frankly, I make the mistake of staying the go-to parent. But tonight, I realized that it's not important for me to be in the middle of the melee to enjoy their giggling. In fact, it was far better for me to be out of the picture and let the three of them have their own thing. And it was good for me to have waking moments of not being the go-to person. This is all stuff that I've been very aware of since we became parents but it was a lot easier to accomplish when we had babies and toddlers whose needs were largely concrete. It was easy to divide tasks because their wants were simple and easily fulfilled. As they get older and their needs become nuanced and complex, it's more challenging to remember to sit back on some things and assess who might be better to address a specific topic... or who might be better to distract them from it. Look, I'll always spend more time bandaging injuries -- emotional and physical -- because I'm the primary, stay at home parent but it doesn't mean, by any stretch, that I'm only one who is able to do it. Really, butting out of the wrestling session was right by everyone. John was on to soothe any accidental bumps and to finish out the day laughing and doing something they all enjoyed that didn't involve or need my pesky presence. Obviously, this happens many other times since, despite what my hair looks like, I do go to work and do other things on my own. We're equal partners on this roller coaster. But I spend so much more time physically with these crazy monkeys that sometimes, and this is on me, I forget to physically remove myself from the scene and let their other very capable parent be #1. John is very good about stepping in when I'm going bananas and need someone else to mediate exactly who stepped on whose pinky toe for the forty eleventh time today. But it's the fun stuff that I also need to step back from and that's harder to do. Tonight, though, I realized that being a bystander to other peoples' joys is wonderful too. Bearing witness to happiness is a gift to be savored. And my kids have a dad who, according to expert testimony, is much more fun than me. So, I guess what I'm saying is that I actually love wrestling... when I'm not involved.

Hey look, no snow!

 Pride is winning weird stuffed animals for your kids.

Seriously... not sure who is having more fun.

Privilege is raising these two loons.

Put Your Hands In The Air

We're all tucked in and ready to ride out the blizzard of the 2015. With little else to do besides frantically refresh the NOAA website, I realized it was high time to post the answers to Molly's annual questions about her future and her breakfast choices. I also decided that next year I'll still ask these same questions but I'm going to add in a few more... because we're transitioning out of the "what's your favorite food" stage and into that meatier part of life -- like what her favorite books are, what are her favorite songs, activities. We're shedding more and more of the concrete, small kid stages each and every day...

1. What is your favorite color? RAINBOW (All of them)
This has stayed remarkably consistent. Girly likes her colors. And patterns. Preferably together in ways that are questionable on the matching continuum.

2. What is your favorite toy? LEGO (Lego Friends_
Yes and yes. We've thankfully ditched some of the Lego Friends for a more comprehensive array. 

3. What is your favorite fruit? POMEGRANATE AND CHERRY (Mango)
Whatever... kid likes to eat health. Thank the lord since the other one? Notsomuch.

4. What is your favorite TV show? WILD KRATTS AND FRESH BEAT BAND (Cat In the Hat)
She is remarkably happy sticking with hokey shows. She knows I hate Barbie and loves to tease me about turning it on. She wouldn't dare, though...

5. What is your favorite thing to eat for lunch? BLACKBERRIES, POMEGRANATE AND TURKEY (Tuna) 
I love this for its patent falsehood. In no way is this her favorite lunch on any day other than the day we were doing these questions.

6. What is your favorite outfit? PINK DRESS WITH GOLD SPARKLY STRIPES (My patching PJs with my doll) 
This is sort of true. It's more true that she likes something with stripes and her gumball leggings. See #1 for the penchant for mixing all sorts of wackadoodle combos.

7. What is your favorite game?  SUBWAY SURF (Candy Land) 
Aaaaand the iPad is like crack. Awesome. Still, I'll take it over the stick-my-eyes-with-a-hot-poker game AKA Candy Land.

8. What is your favorite snack?  SNACK BOX ON THE PLANE (Goldfish)
Perhaps the first human known to advocate for plane food. On purpose and not under duress.

9. What is your favorite animal?  DOLPHINS (Bunny)
I honestly don't think she gives a whoop about animals... so not her cup of tea. Except... the other day she wrote a hilarious set of letters (asking for responses) requesting a hamster. 

10. What is your favorite song? WICKED AND SOUND OF MUSIC (Mr. Grinch) 
Being an ardent lover of show tunes, this melts my heart. Her dad's? Not really. She is also a big fan of Taylor Swift. And Macklemore... oops.

11. What is your favorite book? IVY AND BEAN AND LEGO FRIENDS  (Little House books) 
Sounds good to me. I'm just happy she likes to read.
 
12. Who is your best friend? HANNAH LILY ELISABETH AMANDA NOA CLARA MAEVE ANNIE (Marin)
Okaaaaaay... hey, why limit yourself?

13. What is your favorite cereal? CHEERIOS WITH FROZEN BLUEBERRIES AND HONEY (Strawberry Os) 
The more frozen the berry, the happier she is. 

14. What is your favorite thing to do outside? PLAY ON THE SWING SET (Monkey bars)
Yes, yes, yes. Still likes to just hang. Preferably something higher than wherever I can reach her... tree limbs are also a favorite.

16. What is your favorite holiday? EASTER VALENTINE'S DAY CHRISTMAS AND HALLOWEEN (Christmas) 
I do not get the V-day enthusiasm. I like decorating for it, I guess... which reminds me...

17. What do you like to take to bed with you at night?  PILLOW AND DOLLY AND PRINCESS LOLLY (Dolly) 
Some things never change. And that's fine with me.

18. What is your favorite thing to eat for breakfast?  CHEERIOS W/ FROZEN BLUEBERRIES AND HONEY (Toast) 
See above. 

19. What would you like to have for a special birthday dinner? STONEHEARTH MAC AND CHEESE (Lemon shrimp pasta)
Girly is a very helpful meal planner. I especially like when she suggests take-out.


20. What do you want to be when you grow up?  TEACHER (A doctor or a famous figure skater or a rock star scientist) 
Bless her... we need good teachers.

BONUS QUESTION: What is one wish you have for the year? THAT I HAVE A BUNNY (That I could take tap)
hahaha... not happening. And I love bunnies. But I also owned a bunny and those cages stink.