And The Beat Goes On

Tomorrow is the day -- well, really it's Wednesday but tomorrow is orientation -- so we're going into school and meeting Molly's kindergarten teacher and learning whose face goes with which one of those twenty-two names on the class list and finding out where she hangs her bag and where I pick her up. I'm nostalgic and a little sad, of course, finding it hard to believe that my baby who was responsible for my change in careers is ready to embark on the school journey already (wasn't she just this big? and didn't she just learn to sit-up/crawl/walk yesterday? and where does the time go?) and (overnight, of course) turn into a big kid. She is beyond excited, having continued to pack and repack her backpack over and over. She had her clothes picked out weeks ago, is steadfastly maintaining that she is ready to get on the bus, and is full of energy about what tomorrow will bring. I know that isn't always how new experiences have always gone with her but she has really been looking forward to this day for a long, long time and has grown enormously in her ability to embrace change and have faith that the unknown is okay. Having that faith took me a long time so the fact that she leapfrogged over me on this one is making me feel a little like a dunce. I'm proud of her, nervous for her, nervous for me, a little freaked out about the loss of control (for me) but know that this is a natural and logical step for her and she is super ready to embark on this phase of her life. She'll actually be in school for less time this year than last year but this feels so much bigger and official-er and grown up than preschool. It's not the time she'll be away from me that is hard to get used to but the door that she's walking through and that the balance is yet again radically shifting in regards to sufficiency and agency. Thus, while my head and heart aren't totally in sync here, I know that harmony will come and with a few ups and downs for both of us, we'll soon be looking in the rear view mirror on this day of firsts.

The almost-kindergartener at our special Molly/Mom first day of school lunch date