Precious

Yesterday, I had the pleasure to spend part of the day with just Molly. These days, those opportunities are rare since she's in school more days and for longer hours than Jack is. I've snatched an hour or two here and there with her but we had more time than that yesterday and it made me realize how much I really miss that time with her. A mother-daughter relationship is a nuanced, complex relationship -- even at this age -- and while I spend plenty of time thinking about navigating the complexities, I hadn't spent as much time simply enjoying her solo presence. It's not that I've been focused on the bad stuff, really; I've just been thinking about it more than just experiencing it. She and I did swimming lessons, had lunch, did some errands, went to the library -- nothing glamorous -- and it was really fun. I know that she's a treasure trove of wacky fun (emphasis on the wacky),  but when I'm herding two increasingly busy people around stores or restaurants, I can't laugh at her funny observations and indulge her curious wanderings (which are generally classified as dawdling at that point) as much. Idiotically, I figured since I had almost two years of one-on-one time with her before Jack was born, I had unthinkingly calculated that she had her time then and now it's his turn to get solo time. I figured those few random hours on a weekend and our afternoons together while he's napping would be enough mom/daughter time but I see now that that wasn't quite right. I need those times but I also need to deliberately set aside bigger chunks of time. It has me rethinking my school plan for next year. I had assumed that I would do morning preschool for both of them. I wonder, though, if I'd be better off with Jack in a morning program and Molly in an afternoon slot. It wouldn't give me the alone time that is also really (really, really) nice, but it would give me some really special time with both of them most days. I remember when I was little, my brothers trotted off to school when I was home with my mom and we read the entire Little House series. I so cherish those memories.  More than trips or toys or stuff, I remember the time I got with both my mom and dad and I loved it. And, since karma is so good at making its subtle point, I understand and appreciate it more even now as a parent. Whatever we choose, I know I'm making my decision with a little more knowledge, a little more insight than I would have two days ago. These little critters have a way of making those "aha!" moments happen with more regularity and I appreciate the opportunity to live a more examined life. My little girl is a pretty good teacher, it turns out.