Tinkle, Tinkle Little Star

Today was just one of those days to which I'm sure every parent can relate. The day started early, a morning nap wasn't exactly taken by small child, the bathroom drain continues to be clogged (despite my foray into home plumbing), a man named Julian keeps calling me and demanding that I call him back regarding some apartment that he apparently wants to rent, afternoon nap wasn't taken, dinner wasn't exactly a hit with small child (and that's saying something about the tank who has only turned up her nose at a lemon so far and will eat grody beet/pea pancake concoctions and plain tofu).

So, here we are at the end of the day. Small child's father calls to report he's stuck in traffic and just hears plantive, incessant recitations of mamaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa mamaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa mamaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa over and over. I finally decide that dinner is done, I get small child out of her chair, hand a rice cake to her and get her ready for her bath. She is crawling around on the floor for a few minutes, sans diaper (now, you may think you can see where this is going but wait for the twist) while I try to throw a few things in a pot (speaking of grody concoctions...). Small child is happy with her rice cake, thankfully, and has stopped with the mamaaaaaaaaaaaas and crawls over to me. I'm not kidding when I say that she literally pulls herself up by my pant leg, looks up at me with her baby blues, and pees all over my foot. All over. Not just a little tinkle but a full force gush that she may have been saving up for nine and a half months. So, I start to laugh at it all (really, what else is there to do), which makes small child laugh and start dancing. Her dancing involves squatting and standing back up and squatting and standing back up. Suddenly, she remains in the squat position and before my mind fully processes what's about to happen -- she poops on me.

It's then that I decide it's really bath time. I grab a paper towel, remove the poop from my foot and we sit in the bath until small child's father comes through the door to be greeted with the world's biggest grin from one funny kiddo. Thankfully, it's really the end of the day...

"Oh boy, I've got a story to tell

And then, it went a little something like this...

And she was all, like, you've got to be kidding me."